Every silver lining has a cloud looming by it

Two nights ago, at 9:42 pm, central time, in my car on HW 121 in Frisco by the Stonebriars Mall, Maggie broke up with me.

Apprently, after all the songs we listened to, all the moments we shared, all late nights, all the thoughts and well-wishes, all the sweet nothings we whispered, all the jokes we laughed at, all the socio-political conversations, all the hypothetical questions, all the masses we went to, all the sweet notes, all the musings on married life, all the gums we chewed, all the chocolate candies we ate, and after almost four and a half months of loving hopefulness, she thought we would be better off by ourselves all because of an email from an old friend.

She got tired of me. The very thing I was dreading happened.

In fairness, I did my best this past week to prevent this. I should have never hung out with her last Thursday. I actually enjoyed her company that night in IHOP. I actually planned to NOT hang out with her because she actually said she wanted to miss me sometimes but for some reason, as I was driving back home, I asked her if she wanted to go to IHOP. haaaay. As parents say to their children, "Nasa huli and pagsisisi."

Yes, I sound bitter. That's because I am and this is my blog.

Now I am confused. One moment I was holding her in my dorm bed and within an hour, she was already plotting to break up with me. I was really convinced she was "the one" and but in a blink of an eye, she's gone. I do not doubt she loves me. We just have to work things out, she said. But if she is willing to break up with me because of some email a friend sent to her, it means I have been doing such a banged-up crap job of being a boyfriend. I can never be good enough for her. How can I ever be good anough for ANYONE?!!?

I know, I know, I don't really deserve anyone so I don't have the right to whine, but it really sucks when I think about this.

I am just being selfish. If I truly love her, I should rejoice because I am not the best guy out there for her anyway. there would be another [fortunate] person out there who is willing and able to love her the way she wants but it's not me. Haaaaaay. I really wish it was me....

Gah.

In a weird way, my faith in God was strenthened by this. Just imagine, in mere minutes, He made a girl who loves me want to break up with me. if that power is not great, I dunno what is. He surely works in mysterious ways. Then if He is planning that I meet someone someday, He would have to formulate some weirdly mysterious mission-impossible thing. He is a great God.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to the sounds of oldies love songs. At work last night, I had to zone the heart-shaped pillows with sweet nothings embroideredin domestics. I gave second looks at couples holding hands. In the breakroom, they showed Meet the Parents which reminded me so much of her and her dad.... talk about irony.

I am so tired of this relationship thing. I don't know... I thought she was the one.. This is soo fucked up. I am tired of everything. I don't know.

On a good note tho, she will still be my friend. Also, I don't have to spend too much this Valentine's.