Days like these make me remember my depression days when I am with my family.

The day started with me getting ready for my interview for Vector. I ate breakfast and lunch right after the other (like cereals then rice with kaldereta -- like a brunch but it's not). Then, I dressed with a long-sleeves polo shirt, navy blue slacks and a blue and gold tie that (as I can remember) I last wore in junior prom. Then I drove to the place that is really close to my house. I dunno if im supposed to be disappointed or not when i got there. The wait was longer than the actual interview. We were supposed to be there 11:45 but we waited there for until like 12:20. And the interview only last like 3 minutes or sumthin. We were just told that we won't do telemarketing BUT one-on-one sales. It's like a by-appointment business thing with guaranteed $14/appointment. This being my first job (if ever), I have no idea what lies ahead. I don't know if i will take it or not, in case i get accepted. owell..... I'll just keep lookin and see what is the best there is....

When I got home, my mom and sis told me to change clothes cuz im goin with them to UTA. We (my mom and I) had to fix something for school. We had to file an application for reclassification of residence because I am already eligible for in-state tuition since my mom already own a house here for over a year now. The deadline of payment being tomorrow (for Summer 1), we had to go to rush the application today. The "trip" to the school started out fine but as time passed by, everything started to dawn on me (this always comes with boredom). When I am with them, I don't feel loved or important at all.... i feel unneeded. i feel like my sis just takes me as if I am an object she can yell at when she needs something. and of course, me, being the guy, my parents always back her up. The Mark-is-the black sheep feeling started creeping back in. i thought I got over this a looong time ago but now it's comin back.

Then I just slept in the car because i so do not want being in the car with them. I woke up when we got to Walmart. They said they are gonna pick up sumthin. Thinking that they won't take long, decided to stay in the car. minutes passed and they didnt come back. i was toasting in the car and I was afraid they forgot. Maybe my sleepy mood made it worse but it really made me feel bad. Owell, feeling bad won't make them care.

When i got home. obviously, I was depressed. yeah I know it is stupid. Anyway, my hunnie first made it worse. She doesn't want me to act sad around her and i felti have nobody to share my feelings with. I got nobody to rant at. i got nobody to unload what I feel. I'm alone with my problems, as usual. well, I think gf's are not meant to take those anyway. I just felt so alone.

However, I'm glad i can talked to her. talking with her at least made me forget it for a while. She makes me happy. That's good enough, i guess. My feelings, on the other hand, is inconsequential and unworthy of notice right now. Forgetting is better than talking about it anyway. hmm..... i don't wonder people take drugs...

Now I just had a fight with my sister while typing this post. She wanted to use the comp (MY comp btw) and i told her to wait. I had to finish this before I lose my train of thought. I already left my previous post hanging because she had to use the comp, i don't want to do it again. i am also doing my lawn sprinkling so I didn't really have much time to recover things in memory. But she's impatient. After trying to ignore her yelling (certainly not the indoor voice), I decided to type her thing myself and print it out for her. But then, No "thank yous" or anything. Still not satisfied, she threatened she won't EVER help out paying for my tuition.... All these because I made her wait.

I hate to think this but i don't think she really cares i'm her bro. And since she's like that and my parents are ALWAYS on her side, i feel.. umm.... you got the idea. It's not a great feeling.

...But then again, I should always act happy.